If you’re not afraid to be a beginner,
you can begin anything.
zaterdag 17 februari 2018
vrijdag 16 februari 2018
It follows me around
Day and night
Sometimes it is visible
Other times out of sight
A silent spectator
Of all that I do
It haunts, it stalks
Keeps an eye on me too
Never utters a word
Nor does it judge me
Like the unseen conscious
It follows silently
Sometimes it scares me
As it looms dark and large
Appearing, disappearing
Vivid and stark
Yet sometimes reassures me
Its presence like a friend
That shares life’s ups and downs
And remains till the very end
© Copyright Renu Vyas
VOELEN KWETSENDE KRITISCHE MENSEN
EEN INNERLIJK GEMIS?
Wat kan de reden zijn dat sommige mensen voortdurend de dingen rond hen bekritiseren om zich goed te voelen? Wat zou de motivatie achter hun kwetsende kritiek kunnen zijn? Welk gemis ervaren kwetsende kritische mensen vanbinnen? Voelen zij een innerlijke leegte die opgevuld moet worden?
Het antwoord op deze vragen kan de sleutel zijn tot een beter begrip van kritische mensen.
Een andere recente studie heeft dit ook aangetoond. Dit onderzoek onthulde hoe afbrekende kritiek, afwijzing en vernedering in hetzelfde deel van de hersenen verwerkt worden. Het is het hersendeel dat ons pijngevoel regelt.
Als we stilstaan bij die uitspraak, dan beseffen we dat kritische mensen het minst tevreden zijn met hun leven. Die mensen moeten ‘uitwendige dingen afbreken om hun innerlijk te verheffen’.
Mensen die niet blij zijn met de verwezenlijkingen van anderen, geven er de voorkeur aan problemen te veroorzaken in plaats van oplossingen voor te stellen. Het zijn negatieve mensen, of lege mensen met een laag zelfbeeld.
“Een positieve kijk op alle anderen wijst op een tevredenheid met ons eigen leven.”
-Dustin Wood-
Een laag zelfbeeld is de basis voor afbrekende kritiek
Wat we bij andere mensen bekritiseren, zegt meer over ons dan over hen. Wanneer we over andere mensen praten, dan projecteren we eigenlijk onze eigen karaktertrekken op hen.In dit geval projecteren kritische mensen de aspecten van hun persoonlijkheid of van hun gedrag die ze zelf niet aanvaarden of bij zichzelf niet willen zien. Maar ze zien ze wel in anderen.
Dat is de reden waarom mensen die gezond zijn en een goed zelfbeeld hebben, niet voortdurend kritiek leveren. Want zij bezitten innerlijke rust. Ze kennen zichzelf en weten wat ze niet zo leuk vinden aan zichzelf.
Daarom werken ze aan zichzelf en reageren ze zich niet alleen af op andere mensen. Een goed zelfbeeld en een gezonde relatie met jezelf bepaalt hoe je met anderen omgaat.
Wat kunnen we dan doen? Telkens als we bij iemand anders iets zien dat ons irriteert, ons niet aanstaat of ons ergert, moeten we bekijken hoeveel dit deel uitmaakt van onszelf.
Hoe raakt dit mij? Waarom kan ik het niet verdragen? Waarom ben ik niet graag in hun omgeving? Misschien zal dit ons dichter brengen bij het begrijpen van een deel van onszelf waarvan we dachten dat het buiten ons lag.
“We kunnen alleen zien wat we in ons eigen hart meedragen. Iedereen die nog nooit iets goeds gevonden heeft op de plaatsen waar hij geweest is, zal niet in staat zijn om hier of ergens anders iets beters te vinden.”
-The Parable of the Oasis-
Hoe kunnen we kritiek tot iets positiefs maken?
Vooraleer we kritiek geven, moeten we onszelf een vraag stellen. Zal mijn commentaar ook maar enigszins helpen? Of met andere woorden, verschaf ik hen informatie, goede raad of iets dat waardevol is? Is het opbouwend of afbrekend? Als ik niets zal toevoegen, waarom zou ik dan iets wegnemen?Tot slot moeten we empathie toepassen voordat we kritiek geven. Het beste wat we kunnen doen voordat we subjectieve commentaar geven, is aan de andere persoon denken. Want elk verhaal heeft twee kanten, toch?
Wat kan de reden geweest zijn dat zij zich op die manier gedragen? Wat kan ik inbrengen om die situatie te verbeteren? Hoe heeft dit invloed op mij of welk effect zal mijn opmerking hebben?
Wanneer kritiek van een innerlijk gezonde persoon komt, dan is het nuttige kritiek. Maar wanneer we kritiek geven uit woede, bitterheid, afgunst of omdat we ongelukkig zijn, dan is dat negatief. En het kan erg kwetsend zijn.
- Verken je geest -
Kritiek is in werkelijkheid een plek waar we onze woede plaatsen. Wat doen we dan? We beginnen kritiek uit te oefenen, wat beter is dan maar zitten en kijken naar onze eigen woede.
-Jorge Cassieri-
What is Poison….?
He replied with a beautiful answer:
Anything which is more than our necessity is Poison.
It may be Power, Wealth, Hunger, Ego, Greed, Laziness,
Love, Ambition, Hate or anything…
What is fear…..?
Non acceptance of uncertainty.
If we accept that uncertainty, it becomes adventure…!
What is envy….?
Non acceptance of good in others
If we accept that good, it becomes inspiration…!
What is Anger….?
Non acceptance of things which are beyond our control.
If we accept, it becomes tolerance…!
What is hatred….?
Non acceptance of person as he is.
If we accept person unconditionally, it becomes love…!
- Jalāl ad-Dīn Muhammad Rūmī -
donderdag 15 februari 2018
My whole life I’ve been telling myself, ‘don’t be afraid’.
And it is only now that I’m realizing how stupid that is.
Don’t be afraid.
Like saying, ‘don’t move out of the way when someone tries to punch you’ or ‘don’t flinch at the heat of fire’ or 'don’t blink’.
Don’t be human.
I’m afraid and you’re afraid and we’re all always going to be afraid, because that’s the point.
What I should be telling myself is 'be afraid, but do it anyway’.
Live anyway.
- Unknown -
See if you can catch yourself complaining in either speech or thought, about a situation you find yourself in, what other people do or say, your surroundings, your life situation, even the weather.
To complain is always nonacceptance of what is.
It invariably carries an unconscious negative charge.
When you complain, you make yourself a victim.
Leave the situation or accept it.
All else is madness.
- Eckhart Tolle -
The day my mother died I wrote in my journal, "A serious misfortune
of my life has arrived." I suffered for more than one year after the
passing away of my mother. But one night, in the highlands of Vietnam, I
was sleeping in the hut in my hermitage. I dreamed of my mother. I saw
myself sitting with her, and we were having a wonderful talk. She looked
young and beautiful, her hair flowing down. It was so pleasant to sit
there and talk to her as if she had never died. When I woke
up it was about two in the morning, and I felt very strongly that I had
never lost my mother. The impression that my mother was still with me
was very clear. I understood then that the idea of having lost my mother
was just an idea. It was obvious in that moment that my mother is
always alive in me.
I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet... wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as "my" feet were actually "our" feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil.
From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.
- Thich Nhat Hanh, in "No Death, No Fear".
I opened the door and went outside. The entire hillside was bathed in moonlight. It was a hill covered with tea plants, and my hut was set behind the temple halfway up. Walking slowly in the moonlight through the rows of tea plants, I noticed my mother was still with me. She was the moonlight caressing me as she had done so often, very tender, very sweet... wonderful! Each time my feet touched the earth I knew my mother was there with me. I knew this body was not mine but a living continuation of my mother and my father and my grandparents and great-grandparents. Of all my ancestors. Those feet that I saw as "my" feet were actually "our" feet. Together my mother and I were leaving footprints in the damp soil.
From that moment on, the idea that I had lost my mother no longer existed. All I had to do was look at the palm of my hand, feel the breeze on my face or the earth under my feet to remember that my mother is always with me, available at any time.
- Thich Nhat Hanh, in "No Death, No Fear".
What sustains our relationship...has to do with the fact that she is at once completely familiar to me, so that I can be myself and she knows me very well and I trust her completely, but at the same time she is also a complete mystery to me in some ways. And there are times when we are lying in bed and I look over and sort of have a start. Because I realize here is this other person who is separate and different and has different memories and backgrounds and thoughts and feelings. It’s that tension between familiarity and mystery that makes for something strong, because, even as you build a life of trust and comfort and mutual support, you retain some sense of surprise or wonder about the other person.
- Barack Obama -
NITCH
woensdag 14 februari 2018
Fall in love with the mess of your life
the shattered dreams,
the broken promises,
the unexpected sorrows and joys,
all those hoped for tomorrows that never arrived,
those beautiful plans that never came to fruition.
Sanctify the mess of your life,
this wild, uncontrollable, unplanned,
unexpected moment of existence.
Dignify it with your loving attention,
your gratitude…
Become a Mess-iah…
- Jeff Foster -
the shattered dreams,
the broken promises,
the unexpected sorrows and joys,
all those hoped for tomorrows that never arrived,
those beautiful plans that never came to fruition.
Sanctify the mess of your life,
this wild, uncontrollable, unplanned,
unexpected moment of existence.
Dignify it with your loving attention,
your gratitude…
Become a Mess-iah…
- Jeff Foster -
Millions of people never analyze themselves.
Mentally they are mechanical products of the factory of their
environment, preoccupied with breakfast, lunch, and dinner, working and
sleeping, and going here and there to be entertained. They don’t know
what or why they are seeking, nor why they never realize complete
happiness and lasting satisfaction. By evading self-analysis, people go
on being robots, conditioned by their environment. True self-analysis is
the greatest art of progress.
- Paramahansa Yogananda -
NITCH
One day a Zen master gave a lecture on philosophy.
Hundreds of people listened to him for more than an hour.
In the course of his lecture , somewhere
he proposed a hypothesis
saying something like A is same as B…
One of the listeners was listening intently.
After the lecture, he hurried to the master
and stopped him.
The listener had brought lecture notes
and diagrams with him.
With much elaboration, he proved to the Zen master
that the proposed hypothesis was wrong,
and A was not same as B.
The Zen master smilingly nodded.
Without a word of argument, he said
“Very good. A is not same as B. Very true.”
and turned to leave…
“Wait a minute.” The confused listener said.
“You have studied all this for a lot longer time than me.
I challenged you and disproved what you said
and you have nothing to say?”
“My friend, you did not disprove what I said.”
Replied the Zen master
“You disproved what you heard.”
- A Zen story -
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