Whatever you do, don’t run away from pain. Don’t we know that running away from pain just leads to more suffering?

So somehow, we have to learn to hold our pain, which is to say we have to give to ourselves that which we never got. Fortunately, we have the capacity to do that. That relational holding, as they say, where we’re held in relationship – which is the role of the parent – also happens to be part of our nature. In other words, it’s in our nature to be able to give ourselves that relational holding.

That’s what we have to develop. Not that we should have no pain, but that we should be able to hold our pain without having to soothe it externally; that we should be able to hold it knowing that it’s okay.

@gabormatemd