It
never fails to amaze me how many times we go through the rupture and
repair cycle in relationships. This is true in partnership as well is
with children, in friendship, and with family members.
•
Because we’re flawed as humans, because we have wounds, because we lack the skills necessary to have more fluid and conflict-free relationships, we mess up. We hurt each other. We drop the emotional ball. A lot.
•
When a client or course member who is struggling with relationship anxiety asks, “When my partner and I have conflicts I wonder if it’s a red-flag. Does that mean we’re a bad match?” I respond, “No, it means you’re a couple! Having conflict isn’t a red-flag as long as you’re both learning how to do better (and of course as long as there’s no physical or emotional abuse).”
•
When a client or course member is considering becoming a parent, they’ll often ask, “How do I know I’m not going to mess up my children?” And I respond,
“Oh, you’ll definitely mess up your children! But the good news is that you’ll also course correct. You’ll make repairs. And through that process you’ll teach your kids that having healthy relationships doesn’t require being perfectly healed (that doesn’t exist); it just requires being imperfectly human and being willing to see our flaws so that we can make repairs and do better."
•
Sometimes my family will go weeks without a rupture, and sometimes we’ll have four ruptures in a single day. It’s obviously a lot nicer when we’re in a place of flow, but it’s when we get stuck that we learn the most.
•
•
Because we’re flawed as humans, because we have wounds, because we lack the skills necessary to have more fluid and conflict-free relationships, we mess up. We hurt each other. We drop the emotional ball. A lot.
•
When a client or course member who is struggling with relationship anxiety asks, “When my partner and I have conflicts I wonder if it’s a red-flag. Does that mean we’re a bad match?” I respond, “No, it means you’re a couple! Having conflict isn’t a red-flag as long as you’re both learning how to do better (and of course as long as there’s no physical or emotional abuse).”
•
When a client or course member is considering becoming a parent, they’ll often ask, “How do I know I’m not going to mess up my children?” And I respond,
“Oh, you’ll definitely mess up your children! But the good news is that you’ll also course correct. You’ll make repairs. And through that process you’ll teach your kids that having healthy relationships doesn’t require being perfectly healed (that doesn’t exist); it just requires being imperfectly human and being willing to see our flaws so that we can make repairs and do better."
•
Sometimes my family will go weeks without a rupture, and sometimes we’ll have four ruptures in a single day. It’s obviously a lot nicer when we’re in a place of flow, but it’s when we get stuck that we learn the most.
•
