donderdag 21 oktober 2021
Take it step by step.
It’s ok to take things slow and at the pace you’re comfortable with.
When times get hard, instead of focusing on the future, bring your attention to your current step.
This can help minimise your anxieties about the future and can also help inform you of what your mind and body needs to feel better.
It
never fails to amaze me how many times we go through the rupture and
repair cycle in relationships. This is true in partnership as well is
with children, in friendship, and with family members.
•
Because we’re flawed as humans, because we have wounds, because we lack the skills necessary to have more fluid and conflict-free relationships, we mess up. We hurt each other. We drop the emotional ball. A lot.
•
When a client or course member who is struggling with relationship anxiety asks, “When my partner and I have conflicts I wonder if it’s a red-flag. Does that mean we’re a bad match?” I respond, “No, it means you’re a couple! Having conflict isn’t a red-flag as long as you’re both learning how to do better (and of course as long as there’s no physical or emotional abuse).”
•
When a client or course member is considering becoming a parent, they’ll often ask, “How do I know I’m not going to mess up my children?” And I respond,
“Oh, you’ll definitely mess up your children! But the good news is that you’ll also course correct. You’ll make repairs. And through that process you’ll teach your kids that having healthy relationships doesn’t require being perfectly healed (that doesn’t exist); it just requires being imperfectly human and being willing to see our flaws so that we can make repairs and do better."
•
Sometimes my family will go weeks without a rupture, and sometimes we’ll have four ruptures in a single day. It’s obviously a lot nicer when we’re in a place of flow, but it’s when we get stuck that we learn the most.
•
•
Because we’re flawed as humans, because we have wounds, because we lack the skills necessary to have more fluid and conflict-free relationships, we mess up. We hurt each other. We drop the emotional ball. A lot.
•
When a client or course member who is struggling with relationship anxiety asks, “When my partner and I have conflicts I wonder if it’s a red-flag. Does that mean we’re a bad match?” I respond, “No, it means you’re a couple! Having conflict isn’t a red-flag as long as you’re both learning how to do better (and of course as long as there’s no physical or emotional abuse).”
•
When a client or course member is considering becoming a parent, they’ll often ask, “How do I know I’m not going to mess up my children?” And I respond,
“Oh, you’ll definitely mess up your children! But the good news is that you’ll also course correct. You’ll make repairs. And through that process you’ll teach your kids that having healthy relationships doesn’t require being perfectly healed (that doesn’t exist); it just requires being imperfectly human and being willing to see our flaws so that we can make repairs and do better."
•
Sometimes my family will go weeks without a rupture, and sometimes we’ll have four ruptures in a single day. It’s obviously a lot nicer when we’re in a place of flow, but it’s when we get stuck that we learn the most.
•
So many veils and illusions separate us from the stark knowledge that we are dying. When we finally know we are dying, and all other sentient beings are dying with us, we start to have a burning, almost heartbreaking sense of the fragility and preciousness of each moment and each being, and from this can grow a deep, clear, limitless compassion for all beings.
Sir Thomas More, I heard, wrote these words just before his beheading: “We are all in the same cart, going to execution; how can I hate anyone or wish anyone harm?” To feel the full force of your mortality, and to open your heart entirely to it, is to allow to grow in you that all-encompassing, fearless compassion that fuels the lives of all those who wish truly to be of help to others.
- Rigpa Glimpse of the day -
dinsdag 19 oktober 2021
Sometimes
healing can be a journey of slow growth and invisible progress.
Do not
doubt your strength on those slow, gentle days.
Give yourself the time
you need to process the things that have happened and are still fresh.
You do not have to rush this.
Remember: not everyday is a day for
progress, some are only there for trying your best.
And by being there
for yourself through this difficult phase, you are doing your best my
friend.
- Dhiman -
- Dhiman -
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